In 1986, my father died of pancreatic cancer at the age of 67 years and 15 days. Today, my husband turns that exact age.
People kept saying Dad died too young, but to me, he was old. Sure, I grieved for him and wished he could have stayed with us longer. But I figured he’d lived his life. More significant to me was that 27 was too young to lose one’s father.
My perspective has changed. I mark this day in my husband’s life, knowing I’m only a year behind him. I recognize that I could lose him, or he could lose me—as though that hasn’t always been true. I ask myself which I’d prefer—to go first or to be left alone—as though the choice is mine. Some might say I do have a choice, and in today’s world, I suppose I do. That’s disturbing.
I’m not afraid of death. The aging process, however, I’m not crazy about. These days, my siblings and I are observing our mother’s growing confusion and forgetfulness. Though her body remains healthy for 93 (and for that we feel grateful), her short-term memory is almost nonexistent. This requires more patience than I ever needed with my children to answer the same questions repeatedly. I fear the same happening to my husband, and/or to me. I suspect the odds of dementia happening to at least one of us are probably close to a hundred percent. How loving and patient will I be when it’s in my own house, my own bed, my own brain? And that doesn’t even factor in the long list of other maladies that can cause a long, slow, painful decline leading to our last breath. Modern Science has given us longer life expectancy without the quality of life to match. We’re all living longer, but does anyone truly want to? I’d rather die “much too young,” thank you very much.
Such fear-filled thinking can make me spiral down all too quickly—until I turn to God’s word. He is not the author of fear. His words remind me that each day is a gift from Him, with purpose in it regardless of my circumstances. With Himself in it, regardless of my weaknesses. He’s got me through every difficult and heartbreaking day I’ve known until now, so why would that change? He tells me my future is secure, I am His for all time and beyond time. That no power can withhold my inheritance in heaven or my security in Him. So, no matter what comes my way—whether caring for another or becoming the dependent one—He will never let go of my hand. He will give me the grace and endurance to do whatever I’m called upon to do, when I need it and not before.
With this knowledge, I can live today with purpose and abundance. As I walk in obedience to Him, focused on whatever lies before me in the moment—including the interruptions caused by my own or others’ human frailties—I can trust Him to be my strength and guide until my journey here on earth is done.
II Corinthians 12:9
“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’”
I Peter 1:4
“In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil, or fade—kept in heaven for you.”
Psalm 37:23-24
“If the Lord delights in a man’s way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.”
