exciting new development on my very own blog, now wouldn't it? And here. Thank you Lord! Though I admit I question your timing since I hadn't planned on attending this year's conference.
While awaiting the announcement of the final five, I kept thinking it would be simpler if I didn't make it onto the list. I could be sad for a day or two and then get on with my regularly scheduled programming. I'd get my critique, re-work the book again, enter an improved version next year. Save up enough money in the next year, book vacation for conference time, and hopefully, be feeling healthy again by then. Perfect timing, in my eyes.
Instead, I am now trying to decide whether to go this year. Money's tight but not impossible. Time off work can be arranged. It's the health thing that's holding me back, even though everyone I love is encouraging me to go. I'm just not sure they get how crappy I feel most of the time. And we all know right where we want to be when we're sick, right? Our very own bed! Not in mile-high city where you have to drink a gajillion glasses of water a day just to stave off altitude sickness. Not a thousand miles away at a big-time conference where you have to look good and be "ON" every moment of the day as you try to sell your book to the right editor and agent. It takes an incredible amount of physical and emotional energy, at least for a basically introverted bumpkin like myself.
I realize how horribly spoiled and ungrateful and wimpy this must sound. I just think it's a horrific lot of money if I end up skipping out of half the events so I can sleep.
And then I remember I may be even less well next year. I may not place next year. They may not even hold the contest next year, OR the conference, for that matter. And if by some miracle I did win this year, I'd be kicking myself for years if I wasn't there.
What is God saying to me? Does "Be still and know..." mean I'm to be still and stay home? Let the chips fall? Or does it mean to go, trusting him to handle the health and energy issues? His strength in my weakness and all that. Or does it really matter to him one way or the other? I suspect He's far more concerned about whether my heart's surrendered to his. If anyone has any wisdom to share, I'd appreciate it!