I saw a recipe online for “Pistachio Lush” and decided to make it for our family’s Easter dinner. Here are the steps you must follow if you want yours to turn out as yummy as mine.
1. Go to the Co-op first thing Saturday morning. It’s a long weekend, so they’re busy. But that’s OK because you’ve brought your list for the entire week, including the special dessert. Find everything you need except the pistachio pudding mix. They are out.
2. Motor over to Sobeys. It’s a long weekend, so they’re busy, but that’s OK. Find two packages of the pudding mix, stand in line, check out, and drive home.
3. Put away all the groceries.
4. Read through the Pistachio Lush recipe again. Notice the instructions say to mix two cups of whipped topping with cream cheese. Further down, it says to spread “the remaining whipped topping” over the top of the pistachio pudding layer. You’re no math whiz, but you know there will be no whipped topping remaining because you bought a 500 ml container, like the recipe said. Well, technically, it said 16 oz, which is two cups. All the same thing. Get irked.
5. Find the online recipe and leave a comment, pointing out this discrepancy.
6. Get out the butter so you can at least start on the graham wafer crust. Smell the butter. Oooh. When’s the last time you used butter? It doesn’t smell so good, but that’s OK. This might be a good way to use it up, and if not, there’s more in the freezer. Stick it in the microwave to melt.
7. Pull out the box of graham wafer crumbs you just bought at the store. Discover they are not crumbs, but whole crackers. Yes, you could smash them into crumbs yourself. But then you’ll be left with two-thirds of a box of graham wafers which will sit in your pantry for six years until you finally throw them out. If you leave the box unopened, at least you can take it to next month’s food drive at church. Get even more irked.
8. Take the butter out of the microwave to discover it smells worse than ever. You should also now be more irked than ever. Toss out the butter and forget the whole thing. Your family can eat the store-bought pies you grabbed as back-up and be none the wiser.
9. Take a nap. While napping, remember that you forgot to buy colored napkins for the Easter table. Since you’ll need to go to the store for those anyway, you might as well buy the whipped topping and graham crumbs so you can go ahead and make that Lush.
10. Decide on Walmart, where you can get everything. It’s a long weekend, so they’re busy. They are nearly out of parking spots and completely out of whipped topping. Grab a package of pink napkins and a bag of graham crumbs, wait in line, and check out. Discover that someone has hemmed in your car between theirs and a snow bank. Perform some death-defying maneuvers and carry on.
11. Consider that the boys may not be crazy about the pink napkins and maybe you should find a second color. Stop at Dollarama. It’s a long weekend, so they’re busy. Not only that, it’s the first time you’ve been inside since they rearranged the whole store. Feel completely disoriented. Find a package of bright green napkins, wait in line, check out.
13. Prepare the recipe according to directions. Place in the fridge until time to serve.
The dessert was a hit. I figured I better document all this so I can be sure to repeat it next time. Otherwise, it might not turn out.