High Hopes

One cool thing about getting married while you’re still a baby is that you can mark significant anniversaries typically celebrated only by old people. Last January, when I realized that October 1, 2022 will mark 45 years since our wedding day, and that it fell on the Saturday of a long weekend, I began to scheme. All I wanted was to have our kids and grandkids with us for a few days. Organizing a family photo shoot would be the icing on the cake.

Odds were against making this happen. Covid-19 was still raging. Some of our crew would need to travel from Alberta. It would mean pulling kids out of school. Coordinating it all felt insurmountable. But with nine months’ lead time, I decided to start planning, hoping the early notice would work in our favor.

Once I had all our kids at least semi-committed, I booked three nights at a friend’s cottage near Clear Lake. They warned us it was up for sale, but they’d take it off the market if it hadn’t sold by the end of April. I booked a photographer friend to join us for one of the three days. Although everything seemed set, I knew I would need to hold the whole plan with open hands so that it would be less painful if it fell apart.

It has indeed tried to fall apart several times.

First, a job loss resulted in a plummeting income. How could we afford this now? I never would have started planning had I known. We decided to wait and pray. Before long, we received an unexpected cash gift that would cover the cost. It was easy to decide what to earmark the money for. Onward and upward.

Then, our friends sold their cottage. I wanted to cry but prayed instead. I approached another friend with a cottage, expecting to hear they did not rent it out. It turned out their cottage was not only available to us but also had more to offer at less cost. We booked it.

Shortly after that, our Alberta kids learned they had to move. Given their time constraints and Calgary housing, there was a likely chance they would need to be moving the weekend of our anniversary and would not be making the trip. I prayed hard about this one because no amount of texting, phoning, or alternative planning on my part could fix it. But on July 29 our daughter texted that they’d be getting the keys to their new digs in mid-August, leaving plenty of time to settle in before heading for Manitoba. Yay!

Next, we learned our photographer may have to bow out due to a family health situation. This one is still up in the air and being prayed about. We may have to settle for trying to take our own pictures, but at least we’ll have made memories.

Getting this family together for a photo might be easier.

 Between the prayers and the problem-solving, I’ve been planning meals and activities for this event while still trying to “hold it loosely.” Is that even possible? Having it pried out of my hands at this stage would be painful for sure. But holding it so loosely that I fail to plan would mean it never happens. It reminds me of that old saying, “Plan like you’ll live forever, live like you’ll die tonight.”

Maybe only mothers of adult children can fully appreciate the value of and the longing for this type of gathering—especially those for whom it’s a rare occurrence. A dozen things could still go wrong and some of them probably will. The juggle and struggle between our expectations and our disappointments can feel like a high-wire tightrope act, can’t it? As much as I want everybody present, happy to be there, getting along with each other, and returning home feeling loved and blessed and glad they came—it’s out of my hands. Seems like a lot to ask. Seems like high hopes.

I’ll keep you posted.

A 12-Step Program for Planning a Family Reunion

(Serves one14-Branch Family)

Step One. Two years prior, two branches of the 14-branch family agree to get together to share their "turn" at planning the biannual event, and then promptly forget about it for almost two years. Although there are ten siblings/cousins in this combined branch, it falls on five who live in the vicinity to make the arrangements. We'll call these five the Teacher, the Caterer, the Left-Handed One, the Writer, and the Beautiful One.

Step Two: The youngest of these five, the Beautiful One, initiates the first planning meeting at the insistence of the older generation who are beginning to panic. When the appointed day arrives, however, neither the weather nor the general health of the others cooperates and the meeting is postponed. Meanwhile, one entire branch goes off to Maui for a wonderful 9-day family reunion of its own. The Teacher goes to Guatemala on an English-teaching stint for a month. The remaining one, The Writer, stoically stays home to suffer the ravages of Manitoba in March. The Writer is not bitter.

Step Three: A new date is set for the planning meeting. The older generation is now in full-blown panic mode. So the five cousins/sisters converge on the home of the Beautiful One.

Step Four: The five cousins/sisters proceed to catch up with one another's lives. Photos from Maui are passed around, hilarious and heartwarming stories are shared involving lost teeth and long lost family members. Numbers and ages of grandchildren are exchanged. Clearly, the reunion planning meeting is a reunion in itself. The Left-Handed One takes charge and keeps drawing us back to our purpose.

Step Five: A sixth cousin/sister who has agreed to be available by telephone is called. She has not kept her word, however, so a smart-alecky message is left on her answering machine putting her in charge of pretty much everything. The laughter she hears in the background will put her at ease. We hope.

Step Six: Plans forge ahead. The Beautiful One calls the campground, digs through the box labeled "Family Reunion" and counts the money in the event kitty.

Step Seven: The Caterer volunteers to organize the wiener roast and bring a large canopy tent.

Step Eight: The Teacher agrees to make phone calls and get the word out; she will also organize a photo-print run on the day of the reunion.

Step Nine: The Writer offers to organize the silent auction, which provides funds for the next reunion.

Step Ten: The Left-Handed one has a great idea to release helium balloons in memory of those who have passed. She will organize this.

Step Eleven: A couple of phone calls are made to the older generation to set their minds at ease. The reunion will happen after all.

Step Twelve: The Writer takes it upon herself to blog about the planning meeting experience because you never know when it might be helpful for others.

And that, friends, is how it's done. Good luck with yours!