A Rotten Thing

Imagine that you’ve worked at the same company, in the same position, for 14 years. You like the job. You’ve never missed a deadline. You’re pretty decent at it and the clients/customers love you. Then one day, you receive a second-hand message from the new boss:

While you are welcome to continue coming to work, you will no longer be paid.

What do you do?

Essentially, this is what happened to me with my newspaper column in July. The new owner decided freelancers would no longer be paid—take it or leave it. Sure, I realize I wasn’t an employee and it’s not quite the same. It sure felt the same, though. It may have gone down more smoothly if I’d been told, “Sorry. Although we appreciate your work, we can’t afford to keep paying you.” At least I wouldn’t have felt so undervalued. But there was zero communication from the new owner—just a message conveyed by my editor, with his regrets.

I chose to leave it—and then felt like the greedy one for not staying on to work for free.

I felt bummed, but I’d also been in similar situations before—often enough to know that if I waited awhile, I’d see why it needed to happen. My faith in God has taught me that he truly does have my best interest at heart, even when I can’t see it.

A couple of months later, I was gearing up to launch another book. I was also starting a new writing class which had me teaching three hours a week for eight weeks. When my mother suddenly required round-the-clock care, my available time was cut in half. For six weeks, my sister and I tag-teamed in caring for Mom. Between that, the class, the book launch, my regular homemaking tasks, and other writing commitments, I felt completely overwhelmed. Having to meet a weekly column deadline on top of it all would have finished me. By Thanksgiving, I was truly grateful for that column’s demise.

I still think what happened to me—or, more accurately, the way it was handled—was rotten. But I hope my experience encourages you. Next time something rotten happens to you, as it inevitably will, wait. Wait with a “watch and see” expectation. “What are you up to, God?” is a great question.

He won’t always show you. Sometimes, he does.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)
 

"I Want Mum"

As an adult, Mary Ann Waghorn’s memories came in snippets of black and white and gray. As a seven-year-old, she’d been told she was going on a holiday to Canada. She had no concept that she’d be leaving behind her three-year-old brother or the many aunts, uncles, and cousins who made up her happy extended family in Maidstone, Kent, England. Early in August 1940, she waited excitedly at the Maidstone West Station with her heartbroken mother. Mrs. Waghorn had agreed the evacuation would be best for her daughter but found the goodbye unbearable.

Mary Ann spent two days in the nearby town of Eltham in the care of CORB volunteers (Children’s Overseas Reception Board), until her party of 200 children was assembled. They traveled to Liverpool where Mary Ann remembers feeling nothing but confusion. The voyage across the North Atlantic on the Duchess of York proved no better. Most of the children were seasick and cold. On August 11, they docked in Canada.

The Duchess of York

Although Mary Ann was a CORB evacuee, it was up to the Toronto Children’s Aid to match her to a family. The process took weeks, during which time she stayed at Hart House, University of Toronto. Finally, she went to live with Roland and Coral Mann in Leaside, a small town on the outskirts of Toronto, and their twelve-year-old son, Teddy, and their dog, Sport. Since the Manns’ parents had been born in England and Scotland, they had close ties to Britain and Mary Ann fit in nicely despite her unsettling beginning. Mary Ann was soon calling her foster parents “Uncle Roly” and “Aunt Coral.”

Teddy proved to be an exceptionally patient big brother. He took Mary Ann skating, taught her to row a boat, fish, and bait her own hooks. At one point, Mary Ann announced to Mrs. Mann that when she was twenty, she would return to Canada and marry Teddy.

Although she looked gaunt upon arrival, she quickly gained weight and made lots of friends in her community. She recalled people being nothing but kind and compassionate to this little English girl. While Mary Ann appeared happy and well-adjusted, her inner feelings came out in her drawings. Her foster mother recalled her drawing pictures of girls in various activities like jumping rope or pushing a baby pram. Always, the girl was saying “I want Mum.” She drew great comfort at Christmas when she received some of her familiar toys from home.

The Manns found it a challenge to know how much news about home to expose such a young child to. At first, they never listened to war news on the radio. Later, Mary Ann was encouraged to take an interest in what was happening and to participate in fundraisers. Letters, photos, postcards, and cables kept her in touch with home.

Mary Ann says she’d have been happy to stay with the Manns after the war had they not so carefully kept her family in mind. Almost five years to the day she’d arrived in Canada, the Manns took her to Toronto’s Union Station where they said a tearful goodbye in front of newspaper photographers.

After a week aboard the Louis Pasteur and another train ride, twelve-year-old Mary Ann reached home—much taller and with a Canadian accent but otherwise the same girl with long blond braids. The brother who had been only three when she left was now eight and barely remembered her. Naturally, he resented this sudden intrusion of a big sister into his only-child status. Mary Ann, used to the older Canadian brother who’d doted on her, resented him as well and they fought a lot. She found the adjustment back to British school and life harder than the first change. Over time, she settled in.

For the next forty years, Mary Ann wrote monthly letters to the Mann family. On the four occasions when they met, she admitted feeling closer to them than she did to her own family.

His Body Kept Score

(NOT John Hutton's house!)

John Hutton’s mother died when he was only five years old, leaving him to live with his widowed father and his grandmother in a big old house in Colchester, Essex, England. One day in July of 1940 when he was seven, John’s father informed him he would be leaving for Canada in three days. He asked where Canada was and whether he’d be able to speak the language. His Uncle Leslie showed him on a map where he’d be going—to Toronto where people spoke English and where he’d be near Niagara Falls, the largest waterfall in the world.

Niagara Falls

Years later, John would recall his father taking him and his rucksack to the train station where he joined several other children embarking on the same journey. None of them had any comprehension of how far they would be traveling or for how long they’d be gone, but John felt the vision of his hometown receding into the distance staying with him throughout his five years in Canada.

The children waited in London through the Battle of Britain, and the gunfire overhead confirmed their parents’ decision was a good one. After they finally took the train to Liverpool, John boarded the troop ship SS Oronsay for Halifax. The crossing took two weeks, which were filled with lifeboat drills and activities organized by the CORB staff (Children’s Overseas Reception Board) who accompanied them. Among his memories are the massive ships in their convoy, the long series of tunnels they walked to reach the Halifax train station after disembarking, and the lower platforms of Canadian train stations that required them to carry their luggage up several steps into the cars. Big steps for a seven-year-old.

SS Oronsay

The journey to Toronto took four days and three nights, and John was impressed by the endless forests and lakes, relieved only by small clusters of wooden buildings. He and the other children were stumped when, at every stop, they were greeted by loud cheers from Canadians.

John settled in with his foster family but grew increasingly withdrawn, concerning both his foster parents and his father back home with his fibs and minor misdemeanors. When his foster family moved away a year later, John was taken in by the Pellett family in the village of Agincourt. Here, he fitted in nicely and found himself at home with foster parents whose families descended from Britain and their two young children.

Soon, John was calling Mrs. Pellett “Mother” and keeping his two fathers separate by referring to his foster father as “our daddy” and his father as “my daddy.” He feared that “My Daddy” would be called up as a soldier and have to leave Colchester.

John was constantly in trouble at school for being inattentive and the Pelletts knew he worried about the war. John grew so anxious that in March 1942, they took him for examination to the Sick Children’s Hospital. Doctors agreed John was worried about the war and there was nothing they could do. When Mr. Hutton’s job was declared war work and the danger of his inscription faded, John settled down. He stayed busy with school, church groups, Cubs, and friends. Though frequently plagued with illness as various anxieties arose, John eventually settled in with improved grades.

In July 1945. John left behind the foster family he’d grown to love and returned home, a tall, heavy, twelve-year-old wearing long pants and carrying a fountain pen gifted to him by his school in Canada. Later, John admitted that it took him a full three years to feel at home in England again.

 

You're invited!

 

"Will I Recognize Mum and Dad?"

Imagine having just turned five years old and being told you were sailing off to Canada without your parents. Fortunately for John Jarvis in 1940, he had a big brother named Michael, 10, who was going too. Little John had no idea where Canada was. The family lived in Southport, a seaside town close to Liverpool. With increasing bomb raids in the area, Mrs. Jarvis wrote to friends and relatives in Canada searching for a place to send her boys. When a Mrs. Foster from Grimsby, Ontario, expressed willingness, Mrs. Jarvis explained that with private evacuations, she’d not be allowed to send any money to Canada. Instead, she planned to follow the children as quickly as possible and find work.

No sooner had she sent the letter than one arrived from CORB (Children’s Overseas Reception Board), informing her that Michael and John had been accepted into the government program. The boys were on their way to Canada by the time Mrs. Jarvis received another letter from an aunt in Calgary, also agreeing to take the boys. She spent the next several months trying to arrange a visa and passage to Canada for herself. None was granted. Not during wartime.

John stuck close to Michael on the voyage to Montreal and Toronto. Staff at the reception center put the tired, ill little boy to bed. Soon, they went to Grimsby to live with Mrs. Foster, an English immigrant with a grown son serving in the Royal Canadian Air Force. The boys settled in nicely. Though their parents naturally missed them and worried, every time bombs dropped, they knew they’d done the right thing.

John’s memories included the peach farm on which he lived, school, wiener roasts on the beach, rabbits, hollyhocks, jumping in piles of maple leaves, and having to daily swallow a vile fish liver oil potion called Scott’s Emulsion. He recalled visits from members of the Children’s Aid Society where he met with them privately in the family parlor to ensure he was doing all right. To John, these were merely annoying interruptions to playtime. At Christmas, he was allowed to choose the tree. He and Michael received lovely gifts.

A 1940s Christmas

When Mrs. Foster sold her farm and moved into an apartment, however, she found life with two growing boys more than she could handle. Michael went to live on a farm a few miles away, while John went to a family with six children—also surnamed Jarvis. John felt at home with the family who practically adopted him. As he grew more Canadian, heartily singing along to “Oh Canada” at school, memories of home and family dimmed. His parents seemed more like a distant aunt and uncle who sent letters and occasional gifts.

RMS Rangitata

Just before his tenth birthday, John was shocked to be told it was time to go home. It seemed like the whole town came out to say goodbye to him and Michael, yet he couldn’t grasp that he wasn’t coming back. They travelled to New York where they boarded the RMS Rangitata for the voyage to England. When they reached Liverpool, the boys leaned over the railing, holding a photograph of their parents and studying the throngs of people on the wharf, worried they wouldn’t recognize each other. With a huge sigh of relief, they spotted them.

Adjusting back to life in England proved a challenge for John, especially at school. He kept in touch with both Mrs. Foster and the Jarvis family. At sixteen, he joined the Navy but it would be forty years before he returned to Canadian soil for a holiday where he visited his old friends.

You can read a fictional account of the CORB children's adventures in my new novel, "Even if We Cry," available for pre-order now. Click on the book cover to order.

3 Thoughts for Care-Givers

A month ago, I thought my days were full. With a new book launching and all that goes with it, a weekly writing class to teach, plus my regular homemaking tasks, I had pretty much all I could handle.

Contrary to what is often touted as biblical, God frequently gives us more than we can handle. If he didn’t, we’d soon come to believe we don’t need him.

In my case, it came in the form of my 93-year-old mother’s decline to the point of needing a lot more care. This ridiculously healthy, vibrant, and independent woman has experienced the usual frustrations of short-term memory loss for a few years now. But with a flare-up of neuropathy pain in her feet came a serious surge in confusion. Suddenly, we don’t feel comfortable leaving her alone longer than twenty or thirty minutes. When her phone died and we had to replace it, I found one as close to the old one as I could. Still, it’s proven too big a learning curve and Mom hasn't gotten the hang of it. The lifeline gadget we’d tried a year ago only confused her more.

My sister and I began tag-teaming, sleeping at Mom’s every other night and then juggling daytime duty, along with my brother-in-law, as each day’s demands allowed. We quickly realized this wasn’t sustainable and were able to recruit a little help from other family members and friends. We began looking into home care and found they offer less than I thought. The process for a nursing home is also in place, but we know that could take months. We’re thankful Mom is ready and happy to take that step and we’re trusting God for his timing. It’s a tremendous relief to know we won’t have a fight on our hands like many do.

Looking after Mom isn’t difficult. It’s only tiring and time-consuming. I needed to find some things I could stop doing to make this more manageable. My every-third-Sunday duty in my church’s Information Booth could go. Baking muffins and banana bread to tuck into Hubby’s lunches could go. The two or three hours a week spent creating scripture memes to post on social media could go. If anyone has missed them, they haven’t said. I’m not writing another book, and I’m beyond grateful that my newspaper column was cancelled last summer. That weekly deadline would be a killer now—yet another example of why I can trust God with these things.

People say, “Be sure to take care of yourself too, or you can’t take care of others.” So, in the interest of self-care, my priorities during the hours I spend at home have become: take a walk, take a nap, take a shower, do a load of laundry, and catch up on emails and other business. (There’s no wi-fi at Mom’s.) Any remaining time is spent cooking or grocery shopping or prepping for my class. Possibly cleaning something, if we’re really lucky.

We’ve been at this less than a month and already I catch myself wanting my life back. When those thoughts come, God says, “This is your life. And it’s all good.” I tell myself three things:

1.       This is temporary. (And yes, even if Mom is with us another ten years, it’s still super temporary in the grand scheme of eternity.)

2.       This is a privilege. (How many people my age still have a parent? How many are able to give them this kind of time?)

3.       I will never regret time spent with my mother. (This is something my friend Brenda reminded me of after losing her mother. How could I ever regret this?)

Who knows what this experience might be preparing me for down the road? I ask God daily to use this in my life to make me more compassionate and caring, more patient and kind. In short, more like Him.

He’s got His work cut out for Him.

Apparently, so do I.

Mom & Me

 

One Day's Notice

A warning for British children during WWII

Fourteen-year-old Hazel Wilson lived with her brother and two-year-old sister in Colchester, England. It was 1940. For the past year, children from larger cities and more vulnerable coastal towns had been evacuated to the countryside for their safety, often billeted with strangers. When the Daily Express published a front-page story about the government’s scheme called CORB (Children’s Overseas Reception Board), Hazel’s parents asked her and her brother if they were interested in going to Canada.

Hazel was thrilled to say yes. She viewed the evacuation as a wonderful holiday away from her parents (what 14-year-old wouldn’t appreciate that?) and didn’t consider the homesickness she might experience. They applied. When a letter arrived in early summer saying they’d been selected to go, they were instructed not to say a word to anyone and to be prepared to leave with only 24 hours’ notice. Hazel didn’t even tell her best friend.

She found the train ride to Liverpool terrifying because of all the strange kids, but still managed to avoid her brother whom she viewed as an immature drag. In Liverpool, they stayed for several days at a school. Nights were spent on straw pallets on the floor, trying to sleep among falling bombs and wailing air raid sirens.

Once Hazel and her brother boarded the ocean liner SS Oronsay, their journey improved greatly as they enjoyed many luxuries and foods that were in short supply at home. From Halifax, they traveled by train to Winnipeg. There, they were housed at Winnipeg’s School for the Deaf, whose students were in their own homes for the summer. They underwent thorough physical examinations at the Children’s Hospital while they waited to be matched with their host families. This experience proved miserable, as Hazel and a 14-year-old boy were the last to be taken. 

Winnipeg's former School for the Deaf, now the Mennonite College Federation campus.

When her assigned foster parents showed up—on foot—they were Bill and Freda Rook, both professional musicians. With no children of their own, they had volunteered to host a guest child as their contribution to the war efforts. They gave up some personal luxuries, such as seasonal concert tickets, to host Hazel. Their house on Woodhaven Boulevard would be her home until late 1944. Her brother was eight miles away.

Hazel found it extremely difficult to adjust. The Rooks led a busy social life and entertained often, while Hazel was used to more quiet solitude. She was nervous about doing something wrong and upsetting her foster parents or, worse yet, her parents back home who had enough on their plates. Life at Linwood Collegiate was another huge adjustment. The winter clothes she was given by the Red Cross (such as a herringbone tweed coat with a fox collar, circa 1930) caused no end of embarrassment, no less than it would for one of today’s teenagers being forced to wear something used by an adult ten years ago.

Despite the challenges, Hazel grew five inches and her brother eleven in the first year. They were astounded by the abundance and variety of food. Items considered rare treats back home became daily fare. Her musical foster parents enrolled her in piano lessons and their church choir, and she joined Girl Guides. Her circle of friends grew, but she continued to miss her parents and the little sister who was growing up without her.

In October 1944, although the war wasn’t over, 18-year-old Hazel and her brother returned home. Her mother’s first words were, “Thank goodness you don’t have a Yankee accent.”

Though it initially felt great to be home, Hazel confided to her diary that she found England dull and dreary. She moved to London to find work and was there for VE Day in May 1945. While she could celebrate the elation of the day, restlessness remained in her part-Canadian heart.

In 1947, she returned to Winnipeg to live with the Rooks, and by 1955 her entire family had settled in Canada.

The list of what CORB kids should pack.