An Ode to Administrative Assistants

      Wednesday, April 25 is Administrative Professionals Day. You might call it Secretary’s Day. You might call it Administrative Assistant’s Day. Or, you might call it, “The Only One Around Here Who Knows What the Heck is Going On” Day.

     You might think that, being an Administrative Assistant myself, I’d be above crowing about the work we do. You are wrong.

     If the walls of City Hall could talk, they’d tell us how many thousands of times they have heard the phrase “Ask Sharon.” They’d be talking about Sharon Williams, Manager of Administration, the one who knows stuff. Lucky for me, I get to assist Sharon--even though I don’t know so much.

      I love my job. With its carefully worded reports, by-laws, resolutions, minutes, forms, procedures manuals, The Municipal Act, and other Administrivia, City Hall is a good fit for somebody like me. What many would consider mind-numbing tedium, I never seem to tire of. At the risk of revealing my old-school nerdiness, I’ll admit to a sense of loss when City council meetings went paperless last year. Although I don’t miss the paper cuts, I actually enjoyed the routine of putting together massive three-ring binders for each council member every meeting instead of simply clicking everything into its rightful place on the computer like I do now. You think I’m being sarcastic, but preparing agendas and minutes has turned out to be one of my favorite things. I don’t know why. I think it’s just the way God wired me up.

     I also think people wired up like I am are as necessary as ever in today’s world.

     If everyone had an Administrative Assistant, the world would be a more organized, efficient, and happy place. You wouldn’t lose your keys so often. You could put your hands on that tax receipt a lot more quickly. You wouldn’t miss meetings or appointments or birthdays or Administrative Professionals Day. And your letters would look awesome.

     So here’s to Administrative Assistants. Every time I think of the term, (well, okay, one time when I thought of the term) I recall an old song made famous by a Heintz ketchup commercial: “Anticipation.” Substitute the word administration for anticipation, and you have yourself a catchy ode to the administrative professionals among us. With apologies to Carly Simon, here you go:

(Cue guitar)

We can never know about the paperwork to come
But we think about it anyway, yay
And I wonder if I'm really caught up now
Or just chasin' after some finer day

Administration, Administray-ation
Is makin' me late
Is keepin' me way-ay-ay-ay-ay-aytin'

And I tell you how easy it is to watch you type
As over the keys your fingers fly

But I can’t keep up with your regulations

No matter how hard I try.

Administration, Administray-ation
Is makin' me late
Is keepin' me way-ay-ay-ay-ay-aytin'

And tomorrow I might not have it all together
I'm no prophet and I don't know Administration’s ways
So I'll try and see into your eyes right now
And stay right here 'cause these are the good old days

(Repeat “These are the good old days” ad nauseum.)

Happy Administrative Professionals Day to all my peers! And to those bosses who may have forgotten? No need to thank me.