Oh, Fudge!

Sometimes, a boy has to sell his friend Schwartz down the river to protect his old man... especially when it comes to THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words. Fans of the 1983 classic movie, A Christmas Story, will know the significance of the phrase, “Oh, fudge,” and why it caused one character to get his mouth washed out with soap. To be more precise, he was made to hold the bar of soap in his mouth for a specified time.

I’d rather have my mouth washed out with fudge.

I asked Facebook friends to name their favorite traditional Christmas dishes and was met with a plethora of delicious-sounding delights that would take me a year to share, let alone prepare. But this is not a cooking column and I am not an impressive cook. I function somewhere between the kind who dump together various cans and boxes of prepackaged food items and call it a meal, and the hardcore foodies who use only hand-grated Parmesan cheese. I look for what’s fast, easy, cheap, and nutritious, and I substitute ingredients all the time.

Our family spent Christmas at our daughter’s home this year. In mid-November, I asked her what meals or treats she wanted me to bring. I totally expected her to say “fudge” as it’s been the most requested item other years. Instead, she left it up to me and instructed me to let her know what I decided so items weren’t duplicated. She’s more mature than I am.

I made my list. Three different soups, five different casseroles, gingersnaps, banana bread (made more special for the holidays by adding maraschino cherries) … and fudge.

I’ve never had anyone turn down my fudge, but many have asked for the recipe.

The secret is, my fudge recipe couldn’t be easier. I can’t claim to have invented it, but I’ve been using it so long I don’t know where or how I obtained it. All I know for sure is that it never fails…provided you use fresh marshmallows. In my never-ending quest to be frugal, I once made the mistake of trying to use marshmallows that were beginning to harden. Let me save you some time by telling you not to do this.

Here’s the recipe.

Chocolate Fudge

(No baking required)

2 Tbsp. Butter or margarine

2/3 cup evaporated milk

1 ½ cups sugar

¼ tsp. salt

2 cups mini marshmallows

1 ½ cups semi-sweet chocolate chips

1 tsp. vanilla

½ cup chopped walnuts (optional)

Combine butter, milk, sugar and salt in a heavy saucepan. Bring to a boil over medium heat, stirring constantly. Boil for 4-5 minutes, stirring constantly. Remove from heat. Stir in marshmallows, chocolate, nuts (if using), and vanilla. Stir vigorously for 1 minute or until marshmallows are melted. Pour into a foil-lined 8-inch square pan. Chill until firm. Using the foil edges, lift the whole slab of fudge out and place it on a cutting board. Remove foil. With a large butcher knife, slice into 2-cm. squares or smaller. They’re very rich. Make some now, before you have to start your New Year’s diet!