Don't Know Whatcha Got...

Warning: this story comes with more information than you may care to know.

We’ve recently completed an intense 10-day stretch of family togetherness, the longest ever for us. Using our son’s acreage 30 minutes down the road as “home base,” our daughter and her family stayed in our camper on her brother’s yard while Hubby and I made numerous trips back and forth—sometimes sleeping over, most often going home. God gave us great weather. The five grandsons enjoyed cousin time in a large yard with a big inflatable pool and trampoline, a dog, cats, chickens, guinea hens, frogs, and crickets. We enjoyed great food, a beach day, fireworks, board games, and campfires. My daughter and I celebrated a long-awaited girls’ night while the men had their own evening of grunting and scratching or whatever guys do.

But as you know, life happens.

Before our time together had even begun, my right knee started giving me grief, making it tough to use stairs. By day three, that leg and foot were so swollen I could barely wear a flip-flop, let alone shoes. At the clinic, a doctor ordered an ultrasound to rule out blood clots. Thankfully, none were revealed, but the pain and swelling forced me to sit around with my foot elevated and made it impossible to be as active as I’d have liked. It’s gradually improving.

Funny how we take for granted the ability to walk freely until it’s gone.

We were also adapting to our new-to-us car. When the air conditioning quit, it felt like a major inconvenience in the heat but was quickly downgraded to minor when we nearly lost a tire because some lug nuts had come loose. A wheel alignment and torquing caused another ripple—and major expense—in our busy week.

Funny how we take for granted wheels that stay on and a comfortable temperature in which to ride on them…until they’re gone.

Sure could've used one of these!

When the only toilet in our son’s house malfunctioned and we waited for repairs, we appreciated the bathroom in the camper. That is, until its holding tank filled the same day, rendering it useless until a pump-out could be arranged. This ol’ grandma was grateful to come home to her own house the night nine people stayed there with no toilet. My attempt to lighten the mood proved unsuccessful when I suggested that all we needed to make this a perfect storm was an outbreak of diarrhea. When I was a kid, country property would have included an outhouse even if no longer in use. One of those sure would’ve come in handy! With all the boys in the family, the great outdoors sufficed, but three days of our son’s life seemed dominated by that most unpleasant repair job.

Funny how we take for granted such a simple luxury as a toilet until we need one and it’s gone.

While these types of dilemmas feel enormously taxing and frustrating in the moment, they all become laughable memories before long. Considering how seldom real life-altering tragedies occur, in relation to how often they could, gives one cause to pause and be grateful. If we must go through struggles anyway—and it seems we do—why not learn, laugh, and love each other through them? Why not recognize all the good things we’ve got before they’re gone?

“We can rejoice when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.” Romans 5:3.

 

Blazes of Glory

In early September, I told you about my high hopes for gathering with our kids and grandkids to celebrate our 45th wedding anniversary on October 1. I explained how the deck seemed stacked against us from its initial planning stages, with everything from Covid restrictions to venue changes and other wrenches thrown into the mix. I tried hard to hold it all lightly, lest it be swept away.

Then I left you hanging. I sincerely apologize if you’ve bitten your nails down to the knuckles waiting to hear how that all turned out.

I could write an entire series of columns about our shenanigans, but ain’t nobody got time for that. I’ll try to limit my highlights to five special things you could adapt for your own family.

1. Family Olympics. With 11 people, we divided into two teams of five with one “moderator.” Events included naming your team, piggyback, 3-legged, and unicycle races, the eye contact game, cup stacking relay, and a themed pentathlon consisting of five events for which each team selected its champion so that all five members competed in one. Yes, this took a bit of organizing ahead of time but proved well worth it. The results included tons of chortling, cheering, and just the right amount of cheating. Gold or silver-wrapped chocolates were awarded to the teams with the most and second-most accumulated points—a close call with scores of 265 and 255.

2. Love-About Sheets. Brightly colored sheets of paper, one for each family member, covered one wall throughout the weekend. At the top of each were the words, “One thing I love about…” with a person’s name. Even the little kids, with help, wrote what they appreciated about every other person. Afterward, each took their sheet home.

3. Slide Show. I had discovered on my computer a Powerpoint show I’d made for my husband on our 25th anniversary and realized I could resurrect it and simply add photos from the last 20 years. I should have realized that with grads, weddings, babies, and books, we’d have far more to show for the past 20 years than the first 25. The show grew to 20 minutes long and used five of our favorite songs. But when we watched it together, even the youngest stayed to the end. Yep, there were tears.

4. Photo Shoot. My friend and favorite photographer, Gayle Loewen, drove two hours to capture our family in both posed and candid shots. Her excellent results already hang all over our walls and on my social media. What a treasure!

5. Blessings. To honor the value of a more formal and official blessing, we took time to call each person forward to receive spoken words of affirmation, physical touch, and eye contact. Starting with the youngest, each person’s blessing is printed on a tile they can keep. Each envisions a bright future for them and includes a scripture chosen specifically for them. Most of the tears came from Grandpa and me, but when I asked our daughter later if it felt like “too little, too late” from us, her spontaneous answer made my day. “Oh heck, no.”

I could also mention meals, fires, our beautiful surroundings, and awesome weather—as well as the all-too-human, unplanned wrinkles and wobbles that inevitably factor into every convergence of multiple generations. But I’m convinced those three days were the best gift we’ve ever given our family. I titled this column “Blazes of Glory” because I came home feeling like I could die happy. Alas, I’m still here. Email me if you’d like more details on our structured events or our simple but tasty meal plan. 

 

High Hopes

One cool thing about getting married while you’re still a baby is that you can mark significant anniversaries typically celebrated only by old people. Last January, when I realized that October 1, 2022 will mark 45 years since our wedding day, and that it fell on the Saturday of a long weekend, I began to scheme. All I wanted was to have our kids and grandkids with us for a few days. Organizing a family photo shoot would be the icing on the cake.

Odds were against making this happen. Covid-19 was still raging. Some of our crew would need to travel from Alberta. It would mean pulling kids out of school. Coordinating it all felt insurmountable. But with nine months’ lead time, I decided to start planning, hoping the early notice would work in our favor.

Once I had all our kids at least semi-committed, I booked three nights at a friend’s cottage near Clear Lake. They warned us it was up for sale, but they’d take it off the market if it hadn’t sold by the end of April. I booked a photographer friend to join us for one of the three days. Although everything seemed set, I knew I would need to hold the whole plan with open hands so that it would be less painful if it fell apart.

It has indeed tried to fall apart several times.

First, a job loss resulted in a plummeting income. How could we afford this now? I never would have started planning had I known. We decided to wait and pray. Before long, we received an unexpected cash gift that would cover the cost. It was easy to decide what to earmark the money for. Onward and upward.

Then, our friends sold their cottage. I wanted to cry but prayed instead. I approached another friend with a cottage, expecting to hear they did not rent it out. It turned out their cottage was not only available to us but also had more to offer at less cost. We booked it.

Shortly after that, our Alberta kids learned they had to move. Given their time constraints and Calgary housing, there was a likely chance they would need to be moving the weekend of our anniversary and would not be making the trip. I prayed hard about this one because no amount of texting, phoning, or alternative planning on my part could fix it. But on July 29 our daughter texted that they’d be getting the keys to their new digs in mid-August, leaving plenty of time to settle in before heading for Manitoba. Yay!

Next, we learned our photographer may have to bow out due to a family health situation. This one is still up in the air and being prayed about. We may have to settle for trying to take our own pictures, but at least we’ll have made memories.

Getting this family together for a photo might be easier.

 Between the prayers and the problem-solving, I’ve been planning meals and activities for this event while still trying to “hold it loosely.” Is that even possible? Having it pried out of my hands at this stage would be painful for sure. But holding it so loosely that I fail to plan would mean it never happens. It reminds me of that old saying, “Plan like you’ll live forever, live like you’ll die tonight.”

Maybe only mothers of adult children can fully appreciate the value of and the longing for this type of gathering—especially those for whom it’s a rare occurrence. A dozen things could still go wrong and some of them probably will. The juggle and struggle between our expectations and our disappointments can feel like a high-wire tightrope act, can’t it? As much as I want everybody present, happy to be there, getting along with each other, and returning home feeling loved and blessed and glad they came—it’s out of my hands. Seems like a lot to ask. Seems like high hopes.

I’ll keep you posted.