How DO I love thee?

'Tis the season for red hearts and roses. I decided to do a little digging into a renowned real-life love story. Sadly, the resulting marriage lasted only 15 years, from 1846 until the bride passed away in 1861.

It felt weirdly satisfying to learn that this quintessentially romantic English couple was neither gorgeous nor young when their relationship began to blossom. Elizabeth Barrett, although an accomplished and respected poet, was nearly forty and in poor health when she first heard from Robert Browning, six years her junior. A prolific poet himself, Browning’s works had been published at the expense of his father. In fact, Browning lived with his parents until his marriage to Elizabeth when he was 34. Not exactly what we’d consider great husband material. The couple married secretly and returned to their parental homes for a week before running away to Italy. More on that later.

Elizabeth, born in 1806 as the first of twelve children to wealthy parents, began writing poetry at age four. Her father, Edward, declared he would disinherit any of his children who chose to marry. (Perhaps being a slave owner gives one the illusion that offspring are property to be controlled.)

In his first letter to Elizabeth, Robert Browning wrote, “I love your verses with all my heart, dear Miss Barrett.” 

Thus began a secret exchange of letters surrounding an equally secret courtship. She wrote, “I am not of a cold nature, and cannot bear to be treated coldly. When cold water is thrown upon a hot iron, the iron hisses.”

To me, it seems a secret relationship between two poets is both the perfect catalyst for romance and the least likely to last. But it was during their courtship that Elizabeth wrote her famous Sonnet 43.

True to his word, Elizabeth’s father disinherited her after she snuck away to marry Robert Browning in a private ceremony at St. Marylebone Parish Church. After honeymooning in Paris, the couple moved to Italy for the sake of Elizabeth’s health.

At the age of 43, between four miscarriages, Elizabeth gave birth to a son, Robert, whom they nicknamed Pen. The family remained in Italy, living among fellow writers and artists. Her health continued to deteriorate until her death at the age of 55, in 1861. She died in Robert Browning’s arms. Though he lived another 28 years, he never remarried.

The shadow of loss was cast over Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s life from the start. She lost her mother, two beloved brothers, her health, her father’s acceptance, and four unborn babies. Did her one true love compensate for all that? The last lines of her most famous sonnet may be the truest: “…and if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.”

Though scripture tells us there will be no marriage in Heaven, this aspect of Barrett’s sonnet is spot-on. When we are free from all that binds us to this earthly life, free from our own selfishness and insecurities, we will indeed love others—all others—far better than we ever could on our best day on earth. That will be a day far more glorious than Valentine’s!