Lessons from Claire

My mother-in-law turned 90 on June 14 and Hubby and I had decided to visit her in South Dakota for a belated birthday party around July first, together with other family members and friends.

Instead, she surprised us all by abruptly passing away on Father’s Day, June 18.

The trip we’d planned suddenly looked much different.

Now that we’re home again, I’d like to share three lessons learned from Mom’s life and death.

A collector and a keeper of everything from Beanie Babies to bins full of newspaper clippings, Mom would have been horrified to see us going through her belongings which far outnumbered the hours available for the task. Like a whirling dervish, ten of us descended on her home to sort, pack, carry, and toss. The job still isn’t done, and, although we all got along remarkably well, I said to my husband, “Let’s not do this to our kids.” 

Lesson 1: Downsize, downsize, downsize.

Among all those things was an afghan I’d crocheted in the late eighties as a Christmas present for my in-laws. I’d selected colors to match their bedroom and made it big enough to cover their bed. Upon opening my gift, Mom promptly declared it too pretty to use, folded it, and placed it in the top of the closet. Over several moves, the afghan remained in one closet or another for 35 years. Had it been used as intended, the worn-out item could have been justifiably thrown away. I brought it home, but the dusty rose, grey and white combo, so trendy when made, is long outdated and matches nothing in my home. 

Lesson 2: Nothing is too pretty to use.

My mother-in-law knew many sorrows in her lifetime. Born during the Great Depression, she understood how chaotic family life can be when alcoholism and divorce play into the picture. In later years, she endured many difficulties, including the loss of a son and later, her first husband after she cared for him through years of dementia. Mom wrote poetry and once asked me to “type up” a file folder filled with her handwritten stories, poems, and other miscellaneous jottings. I took her request a giant step further. We enjoyed her delightful reaction when she unwrapped the hardcover book we’d had printed, filled with her work.

One of those poems was particularly meaningful to Hubby and me because she wrote it shortly after he lost his arm in 1995. As a mother, I know that loss was hers as well. Two lines stand out to me above all the others:

The losses of this life, however great
Are very small when viewed from heaven’s gate.

Lesson 3: Faith in Jesus brings a perspective to life and death that nothing else provides. Although we grieve, I Thessalonians 4:13 tells us we don’t need to grieve as those who have no hope. We believe Mom is experiencing firsthand the reality of her own words, that all of life’s losses, however great, are indeed small from her current view. When we see her again, we’ll meet the perfect version of her, the one her Creator had in mind from the start. Free from scars and flaws. Free from the attachment to stuff. Free to worship her God with abandon, laughter, and joy. 

Claire Todd-Hamburger, 1933-2023