The Results are In

Readers have asked how my week of babysitting our two little grandsons went. Did my coping strategies work? A quick review of my list revealed some things.

1.     Cook no adult meals. I found the best way to sneak vegetables into little tummies was in smoothies and homemade soups. I ate what they ate and returned home craving a big ol’ salad.

2.     Take your showers at night. The only other option was not showering at all. Which was no option at all.

3.     Lie down during their nap. Easier than anticipated because I was so exhausted.

4.     Clean the kitchen only once per day, after they’re in bed. It seemed I was cleaning the kitchen constantly because they eat six times a day.

5.     Pack along little surprises for them. I highly recommend this! It became a highlight of each day for the boys to wait on mama’s bed while I brought out their boxes of little wrapped gifts and let them choose one. What I couldn’t have predicted was that God had a surprise gift for me each day, too. (Read on.)

6.     Try to take them outside for a bit every day. Our outings were limited in the coldest week of the year in Calgary, but I tried. It’s hard to stay motivated when it takes 15 minutes to bundle everyone up knowing you can stay outside for only ten.

7.     Have enough coffee and hazelnut creamer on hand. Well, this goes without saying.

8.     See if their mom can leave behind perfume to use so you smell like her. I did use a little of her lotion, but I couldn’t tell whether it made a difference.

9.     When your daughter asks if she should cancel the babysitter for her usual one-day-per-week, say no. Guess what? I cancelled the sitter myself. Not that we didn’t all need a break. I chickened out of driving the kids over there despite two practice runs with my daughter in the vehicle before she left. The combination of a strange car with a manual transmission, strange city, ice, and the world’s most precious cargo in the backseat— plus the whole bundling and strapping into car seats routine—was a perfect storm. I couldn’t do it. Less stress to stay home. I’m not proud of it. This may fill a whole column by itself, another week.

10.  Most important of all, DO NOT skip your prayer and scripture time. Nightly, God amazed me with the precise scriptures I needed most. This was not planned. I didn’t say, “Today I’m feeling weary, let’s find Bible verses about weariness.” Not at all. I used the same reading guide I’ve been using for years. I had no idea what each day’s passage held for me. Look at this:

When I felt tired: Isaiah 40— “God will not grow tired or weary…He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.” And Galatians 6—“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest…”

On the day the water heater quit: James 1—“Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds…the testing of your faith develops perseverance…”

When my patience with the children wore thin: James 5—“Be patient…”

There’s more, but you get the idea. You can’t make this stuff up. No one can tell me God’s word is not alive and powerful and sharper than any sword. (James 4). I’ve experienced it. New every morning—and every evening, too.

Breaking Bad...Habits

You probably already know how addictions are formed; how the human brain responds to hits of dopamine, the “feel-good” hormone. You already know that alcoholics serious about kicking their addiction must remove all traces of alcohol from their environment. You grasp the concept of how clearing your home of junk food helps you shed bad eating habits. And so on.

But understanding how and why this happens is a fascinating science and can be encouraging because it means you can train or retrain your brain to respond the way you want it to.

In his book, Atomic Habits, James Clear explains the four-step process of Cue, Craving, Response, and Reward. For example, you see a plate of cookies. That’s the Cue. The second step, Craving, is the way you interpret the cue—as in, “I should eat one.” The third step, Response, is the action (you eat one). And lastly, the Reward. It tastes good.

All of that is easy enough to grasp.

What I found intriguing is what studies of the human brain reveal. Once we become addicted, the dopamine spike in our brain does not happen at the point of Reward, or even the point of Action. It spikes at the second step, the Cue. In other words, it’s the anticipation of the reward, not the reward itself, that triggers the rush. A gambler’s dopamine spikes when he sees the dice, not when he throws it.

What does this tell us? Perceived value motivates you to act. Which means perception, at any point along this path, can change the whole outcome. So, whether you’re trying to develop a good habit or break a bad one, four laws of behavior change accompany these four stages: make the habit obvious, attractive, easy, and immediately satisfying.

On the flip side, if you’re trying to break a bad habit, the four laws are the opposite: make it invisible, unattractive, difficult, and unsatisfying. This all takes a little creativity, but the book provides tricks. The best news is that often by addressing only one or two of these steps, you can successfully change your habit.

Here’s one way I stumbled into this. For years, I used to read my Bible and a short devotional while I ate breakfast. Both were good habits—physical and spiritual nutrition all at once. Then I switched my breakfast from granola to smoothies. Drinking a smoothie did not require sitting, so I took it to my bedroom and sipped on it while I dressed, put on my makeup, and did my hair. I was having a more nutritious, lower calorie breakfast and saving time.

The only problem was, after a while I realized I was no longer reading my Bible. I had “unbundled” my habits and lost something precious in the process!

Last December, I accepted a challenge to read through the book of Luke, a chapter a day. I bought a pretty journal and sat beside the Christmas tree before dawn with my favorite coffee. I lit a candle and turned on my fake fireplace. Soon I was loving the experience so much, I didn’t want the month to end. The highly welcoming atmosphere had tied itself to the habit I was trying to form.

With the tree put away, I was able to keep the habit going at my desk—by keeping my Bible and a new journal handy on my desktop and using a favorite new fountain pen I received from my son for Christmas. Of course, I kept the candle and coffee. It seems silly, but it worked. It’s several little things, but they made the experience obvious, attractive, easy, and immediately satisfying.

 

Which is the whole point. Little things. Every day. Over time. Equals results.